Jodrell Bank for £1.

Howard and I are quite taken by the idea of buying one of the banks for, say, around a pound. Does anyone know if it would need to be a Euro nowadays? We would like to know before we go in and make a fool of ourselves offering the wrong currency, seeing as we would be actually in a bank, and they might look a bit unfavourably on people who are confused about what sort of currency you have to use. This is only just in case there are any other people trying to buy the same bank, and it's not just a done deal before we even go in, like they're actually sitting behind the door waiting with their fingers crossed for someone like us to come in and offer to buy it and it's not going to matter whatever currency we're going to offer.
In Part '2' of my question, does anyone know which bank it would be best to buy? I do not want any poets to say 'Jodrell'.

Enobarbus: normal service resumed.

For anyone interested, Enonbarbus has now completed his community service and will once again be taking phonecalls. We are all hoping that that will be an end to it, but in view of his record I'm afraid that for many of us it is a tenuous hope. If anyone feels able to support Enobarbus (he is asking for money due to his greedy nature but I would advise other kinds of support) then he will generally be hanging out at the Poetry Cafe. He will be under armed guard for the first 3 weeks. Same mobile number for bookings.

THE MIGHTIEST PIE IS NOT A VEGGIE PIE.

what kind of a veggie pie does anyone think would be a good pie? I recently overheard someone asking for a veggie pie and just couldn't believe it. At terrapin school we did pie appreciation every day for an hour and a half and i can't remember anyone saying anything about a veggie one. Did I stumble upon a hidden tradition? Or was the person who asked either a) a spy doing the first part of a secret transaction...('yes we have veggie pies sir'; cue the passing of brown envelopes)...or b) did i just happen to be right on the spot AGAIN when the world put in an extra second in its orbit, allowing for some odd thing to happen?
I should like to reopen the debate as to the very best pie. (I will warn you - Enobarbus is reigning champion of this debate and, as everyone knows, he fights dirty.)

Reader, I married him.

Can anyone believe anything at all about the world today? Ced, for example, has just brought out a book, unbelievably, called 'Ced's book of spoilers', in which he tells you the ending of loads of films and books that you might want to read at some point. When he used to come and stay with us in Terrapin Waters he used to whisper endings to us just as we were dropping off to sleep and least resistant. On a similar note, has anyone got a dog who could either cook for a family OR run around like a maniac in wellington boots? I could use either sort of talented dog, and I would pay £2.50 on receipt.

A Healthy Interest.

would anyone like to write a poem? if not, how does anyone think poem writing is ever going to happen? When Heidi and i took poetry extension classes in the underwater academy after our mother had almost killed herself teaching us the tricks of it we did about 2 weeks and then got sacked for bad poetry, unfortunately, through no fault of our own but just that Ced had (bad luck) turned up on the same course and some of our verses got a bit sarcastic. But that doesn't mean to say we didn't maintain a healthy interest.

Has anyone been busy doing anything and if so what?

I have been very busy blackberrying, as predicted. What has anyone else been very busy doing? It is quite different from all my underwated activities as a younger terrapin. For a start, blackberries only seem to grow above the water, from what I can see. Discounting the Underwater Blackberries of Doom, obviously. No-one in their right mind would try and pick any of THOSE. (my friend Ced had one once and fell into some awfully bad luck.)

TOP TRUMP

now that it is autumn i am thinking of either joining the race for the whitehouse (america) or taking on one of the football clubs that have lost their manager recently and need a new one. I would have a bit of catching up to do with the whitehouse option but i wouldn't mind that as long as i won it, or came at least second. With the football one i might need someone to help me with the actual football, if anyone would like to, but i know a lot about the psychology of management and half-time analysis and i know the names of all the clubs and wags, so i should think i am more or less the top trump as far as the auditions for a new manager would go. The only thing is, i went blackberrying at the weekend and it looks like i could well be spending quite a lot of my time doing that over the autumn, for certain complicated reasons, which i would have to make sure didn't cut into my football manager/presidential candidate duties, but i shouldn't think it would, not too much.
Has anyone reading this ever divided their time between blackberrying and other similar high-pressure activities and might have some tips?