87 rhyming words.

Ced has always made loads of cinnamon buns on cinnamon bun day, and he always says it's because he used to swim for Sweden. I cannot imagine when he thinks he did this, it must have been after he got out of the underwater jail and before he was put back in. Anyway, his cinnamon buns are so bad that just half-licking one of them is likely to kill you, even before you have a chance to wash out your mouth with a cleansing ale, even if you did it really quick.
Mark won all the prizes on national poetry day, again. He was especially commended for his epic poem which, even on close examination, said absolutely nothing. The public vote went to Heidi, who couldn't even think of a poem for ages and then suddenly wrote something with 87 rhyming words and only 3 others. Mark has, rather unsportingly, disliked it on facebook.

a pie to share

The Book Group is really taking off now, after last month's temporary set-back, with nearly every member ablaze with enthusiasm about some aspect of literature or other or just about coming to the group with a cake or a pie to share (usually). Our percentages are up on last year: 95% of our regulars are published authors writing yet another book, usually in the same tedious series. The other 5% can't think of a subject, but are probably not far off realising that they don't need one; books more or less write themselves, and then get sold and make money at a surprising speed. Most of our people have got at least 3 luxurious homes by now, which is useful for triangulation as they don't even know where they are half the time.
Does anybody know where Mark is? Is it Poppy's again? Has anybody ever seen Poppy? I've read her book 'All My Sad Receipts', which I thought was quite good and sad, but her new one, 'The Other Person Has Cleared', I have no time for at all.

an ex-knight, perhaps.

In an extraordinary meeting of the Book Club, nearly everyone voted for the idea of Ced giving back at least 3/4 of his pension and all of his knighthood, if he had one, which he said he did, but nobody thinks he has.
In the final moments of the meeting, all the women voted for no men to be allowed to the next meeting, which will be held at the Underwater Pub of Cakes and Biscuits. None of the men opposed this with any success.

fed up of the onion

Ced has voted against the government in a typically skittish last-minute move, just in case anyone's interested. He has only said that it was a 'name he didn't like': as usual, it's not worth the attention.
On a more elevated plane, there is talk of a new cross of onion and chive that could answer a lot of prayers to the kitchen god - can't wait. I am absolutely fed up of the onion on its own.
Mark is experimenting with a new cleaning routine in the house ie ACTUALLY DOING SOME.  I heard Heidi telling the entire Post Office that she couldn't even tell the difference, which is a bit mean, although true.
Is it possible anyone's kept Mark's birth certificate? If you have, could you either let me have it to destroy, or destroy it youself as your two options. Thankyou. Don't try to copy it off.