GET A BISCUIT.

As a terrapin i have hardly ever been required by the Aquatic Authorities to provide fingerprints for the purposes of crime solving. I suppose i would have a unique set. Unlike dna which i unfortunately share with my semi-criminal brother who i have wasted too much time locked up as an innocent party in jail (underwater) because of. Anyway. Can anyone clarify whether you can roll your fingers/ feet around and around on the police paper so as to make a very long imprint that would be virtually infinite? This would be easier underwater, especially with waterproof ink. Do you think Policemen would be amenable to this or would they get annoyed? Do you think it would hold up the law or uphold it? Do you think we should be able to get a biscuit if we give fingerprints? Do our fingers gradually wear down if we are criminal enough but never get past the fingerprinting stage, out of luck?

Christmas

does anyone know the second line of any carols?
On another note, if you have your fingerprints taken, are you allowed to roll your finger over so that you get a really long print? Can you use your body to roll over so that it goes on and on?
Back to Christmas. Basically, me and Howard are APPALLED by the complete ignorance of almost everyone at this time of year. Please give us your Christmas Facts so that we can all share and add to the sum of knowledge at least on this blog. Nothing about Nick Clegg please. (he's not really Christmas.)

A Person, who Lives in a Castle.

can anyone suggest something i can make for tea tonight?
it has to be something fit for a person who lives in a castle, and it has to have steak in it.
thanks.

FISH. Brain Food or Myth?

The thing about fish, if you have ever tried to engage with one, is just how difficult it is to get with what they're saying. 'Forget it!', you think, all too quickly, possibly missing some piece of knowledge you could only get from a fish. Eating them is a whole other issue. Does anyone know how you do it properly? What happens to the head? Howard has a 'fish dumpling' recipe in which there are hardly any fish at all!!
There are those who believe that eating fish increases their brain power. To this i have an unequivocal response - rubbish!! Our friend Ced has fish and chips every Friday and gets stupider by the minute, showing not even a temporary surge on a Saturday morning. Others believe there to be a mythical fish with the head of a man, swimming around somewhere in the oceans, presumably with a modified nose/mouth etc arrangement so he can breathe. (Ced and Howard are both of this opinion whereas i think it sounds unlikely.)
What do you think of fish?

Imagination: where does it end??

As a middle terrapin, I cannot really imagine being Enobarbus when he goes on one of his sprees and gets thrown into the Cave for a short while to cool down by our Dad, who is strict. I have tried on his shoes, but nothing came clear. Is there anything you can't imagine? If it is hard to describe, because you can't imagine it, just give a general outline of the kind of thing it is.

THANK GOODNESS!!!

Dear everyone,
This morning we went out for breakfast and it was DISGUSTING. We were a bit cross!!
However, this evening we went out for our tea and IT WAS LOVELY!! THANK GOODNESS!!!
Has anyone else had something nasty AND something nice happen to them ON THE SAME DAY?? (We are not interested in hearing from people who are professional at this or who are contriving nice/nasty events just for effect, or who are almost professional.)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! U NO HOO YU R!!!! (when can we start going backwards?)
You get the MIDDLE TERRAPIN SALUTE!!

vanilla

does anybody know what vanilla is? i thought it was the best taste for a macaroon, but have recently had the foundations of that thought completely rocked by an elfen blog.

SQUIRRELS WITH RESERVATIONS

I like grey squirrels, with reservations (the obvious ones); my neighbour keeps a catapult and hard ice cubes to hand. Does anyone know which one of us is right? It's driving us mad!

TERRAPIN BUBBLE.

As a terrapin, it's such a nuisance coming up to the surface every time i want to eat a bit of decent bread. Does anyone know a lot more than i do about bubbles so that they could design a terrapin bubble for eating bread in? I am absolutely SICK of eating mush, and Enobarbus is LIVID. (nuff motivation.)

AMBITIOUS POETRY ITEM : DONE.

The Moon. (the moon is a traditional subject for poetry.)
------------
A winter's day, so far away,
On a breeze it came, for me to play.
The moon was high
And looked a bit like a mango.
'Must be the Mango In The Moon', mused the middle terrapin, as he
Slopes back to the pond.

'Oh!' he sighed
And 'Oh!' he cried -
For Moon had gone and disappeared
And everything looked dark and weird
And for his life he suddenly feared
But none there was to save him,
But a tiny little elf, who
Made a moat to put him in
And saved the tiny terrapin.

The end.

AVOCADO: friend or foe?

I'd like to kick off by saying I really like them, but unless they are straight off the tree they need to be pepped up with chilli etc - like in guacamole. Have I got the right kind of avocado or is the Elf worried about the kind with a long snouty nose that could well suck up a tiny elf? Don't worry Elf -surround yourself with a moat of water in which ants cannot swim but on which you can walk, and those snouty avocados will get the message soon enough.

ACRONYMPH

...from the genius of Clairety!!!!!!!!!!!!! (she's a well-known academic.)
We salute you, elf.

do YOU know?

Is LONDON an acronym?
When I was being home-schooled with Enobarbus and Heidi (underwater), our Mum put that on an exam paper, which I unfortunately failed. I had forgotten all about it, but now that I have remembered I am now curious. Does anyone know the answer?

FISH

Would someone have to be a fish to be what is considered to be 'a good catch' or can it be used metaphorically? Do you think fish use it about other fish or would that change the meaning ? I am thinking of speed dating (underwater) and was thinking of using the name 'Fish' as a false name but would like to be aware of the implications.

MONKEYS: any good?

I can't help going over and over in my mind that whole thing about Jammy's monkey eating all his duty-free cigarettes. It absolutely shattered my whole opinion of monkeys. Has anyone got a kind word to say about monkeys that would go even a little way to restoring some kind of balance?

TIDY YOUR BEDROOM

Howard and I are very concerned about the state of the world, especially when it comes to local issues, especially like untidy bedrooms. However, we would sometimes like to be concerned about something else. Can anyone suggest an appropriate area of concern for us? (We would have about 3/4 hr a week to be concerned about it.)

SCARBOROUGH..........fair?

Can anyone tell me if Scarborough is called Scarborough because of the number of people with scars in the borough? I was thinking of going there for a visit but I have to say I'd feel less inclined to go if it was.

what happened to evolution?

Some kids look exactly like their parents, sometimes even when their parents are quite ugly.
Has anyone else noticed this? It doesn't seem a very good idea to me. (Enobarbus looks a lot like our Dad - same mean-eyed look.)

AMBITIOUS POETRY ITEM

would everyone like to collaborate in a poem? shall we all write a line and put them together? do you think we should know what the other lines are or shall we just write what seems like 'a line' to us and just hope it works? do you think we should have some ground rules like that it should be in english?

a genuine question.

does anyone know what day it is?
(don't lie.)

WITCH

If there's one thing that terrapins do well it's underwater swimming. I am absolutely good at it. Just before my young sibling Enobarbus was born I was the best swimmer in our family, since my older sibling Heidi was absolutely rubbish at it, in terrapin terms. Now I am second best, since Enobarbus became obsessed with beating me and ended up unable to lose. As I am not the best any more, I am thinking about going up on land and letting a witch take my power of speech in return for nice legs. In the book I read about this, it says it will be like walking on knives for ever, but I don't think I'd mind this. Has anyone got legs off a witch? What's it like?

WHAT YOU LOOKIN AT?

Do readers think it's rude to stare? I was stared at once and it made me ABSOLUTELY MAD. Angry mad that is. I couldn't eat for days. I'm only interested in your answer if you have been stared at too.

'NEW ZEALAND'.

Does anyone know where New Zealand is? A friend of ours is going there and we would like to be able to imagine her geographically.

Cheering signs of good behaviour.

How lovely of young JAMMY to selflessly assist a sad and frustrated terrapin. I bet he cheered him up no end. It only goes to show that a) some terrapins have more resources than some people and b) the art of those people who make tiny clothes is too too unsung. Someone like eg James Blunt/May should write a song about it that we can all sing. It would have to be easy.

ROUGH DEAL FOR TERRAPINS.

JAMMY is spot on about the talent of young Michael Owen. Well done. However, as the middle turtle I can't help but wonder about the wisdom of letting the YOUNG lead the way into the future. Surely we AS A SOCIETY have SLIDDEN to the point of precarious ghastliness at which we are by putting our children at the centre of everything - parents pour all their hopes and dreams and SELVES into their offspring and don't develop themselves..............................?? As the middle of 3 terrapins, I hardly knew my parents, and have emerged with a very hard shell. Also, lots of nice shoes in the shops now - for people that is. Nothing for terrapins. Rough deal.

PIGLING BLAND

*make your money work for you* - *make your MONKEY work for you*.

*money laundering* - *monkey laundering*.

*work* - *pork*

*shop* - *chop*

*Pigling Bland* - (no)

BUFFERED, yet ALONE.

as the MIDDLE terrapin, I often find myself BUFFERED, yet ALONE. Does anyone know what I mean? Or do you need examples?