MARMALADE MESS

looks like rain again. has anyone got any ideas what to do when it's raining? when Howard was small he was apparently made to sing while his mother made something called 'marmalade mess' for his father. Our friend Ced told me he has never done anything at all in the rain, which I can believe of Ced because he is so lazy and it would be surprising if he had ever done anything NOT in the rain, or ever.

AQUA-SAAB

My brother Enobarbus has given out some bad christmas presents in his time but none so miserly as this year when he simply broke off a bit of the turkey while the Queen's speech was on and kept it behind his back until it was time to open the sack. So when he got a present from Heidi you could more or less SEE him shredding off a bit of the turkey to hand over with his customary smirk. He really is a loser. But in this case he got something for nothing, as Heidi had given him an i-pod docking micro-station for his aqua-saab, which is just what he wanted. We were all very cross.
Did anyone else get cross in a similar way at christmas?

GET A BISCUIT.

As a terrapin i have hardly ever been required by the Aquatic Authorities to provide fingerprints for the purposes of crime solving. I suppose i would have a unique set. Unlike dna which i unfortunately share with my semi-criminal brother who i have wasted too much time locked up as an innocent party in jail (underwater) because of. Anyway. Can anyone clarify whether you can roll your fingers/ feet around and around on the police paper so as to make a very long imprint that would be virtually infinite? This would be easier underwater, especially with waterproof ink. Do you think Policemen would be amenable to this or would they get annoyed? Do you think it would hold up the law or uphold it? Do you think we should be able to get a biscuit if we give fingerprints? Do our fingers gradually wear down if we are criminal enough but never get past the fingerprinting stage, out of luck?

Christmas

does anyone know the second line of any carols?
On another note, if you have your fingerprints taken, are you allowed to roll your finger over so that you get a really long print? Can you use your body to roll over so that it goes on and on?
Back to Christmas. Basically, me and Howard are APPALLED by the complete ignorance of almost everyone at this time of year. Please give us your Christmas Facts so that we can all share and add to the sum of knowledge at least on this blog. Nothing about Nick Clegg please. (he's not really Christmas.)

A Person, who Lives in a Castle.

can anyone suggest something i can make for tea tonight?
it has to be something fit for a person who lives in a castle, and it has to have steak in it.
thanks.

FISH. Brain Food or Myth?

The thing about fish, if you have ever tried to engage with one, is just how difficult it is to get with what they're saying. 'Forget it!', you think, all too quickly, possibly missing some piece of knowledge you could only get from a fish. Eating them is a whole other issue. Does anyone know how you do it properly? What happens to the head? Howard has a 'fish dumpling' recipe in which there are hardly any fish at all!!
There are those who believe that eating fish increases their brain power. To this i have an unequivocal response - rubbish!! Our friend Ced has fish and chips every Friday and gets stupider by the minute, showing not even a temporary surge on a Saturday morning. Others believe there to be a mythical fish with the head of a man, swimming around somewhere in the oceans, presumably with a modified nose/mouth etc arrangement so he can breathe. (Ced and Howard are both of this opinion whereas i think it sounds unlikely.)
What do you think of fish?

Imagination: where does it end??

As a middle terrapin, I cannot really imagine being Enobarbus when he goes on one of his sprees and gets thrown into the Cave for a short while to cool down by our Dad, who is strict. I have tried on his shoes, but nothing came clear. Is there anything you can't imagine? If it is hard to describe, because you can't imagine it, just give a general outline of the kind of thing it is.