Terrapin Zero has a loyal twin.

Heidi has been doing some tracing on the internet and found out a whole lot of stuff she'd rather not know about Ced. No-one's seen Ced for ages, not even the back of him, although when there was all that confusion over the eggs and who did and didn't get them, everyone thought it was probably him turning up again. Anyway, Heidi got into Terrapin Zero's appalling website and discovered a recent poem Ced had had published there; apparently he has been writing to Terrapin Zero for quite some time, and has got himself onto his list of visitors, which must probably be only him unless Terrapin Zero has a loyal twin, which is the only likely scenario.

Trouble Is as Trouble Does.

The way things are going, there won't be any parsnips left for anyone, the way Heidi's been eating them. And if you want an example of something that's just waiting to happen, you just have to look at Enobarbus. Trouble is as trouble does, you'd be mad not to think.
Quite apart from the parsnips, Heidi's got a new puppy, again, altho she says she was really trying not to. it's another underwater jackadoodle. Unfortunately she hasn't seen it for a while and the last time she did it was running after Terrapin Zero with a suitcase. On another note, has anyone get a way that you can completely bypass the whole ridiculous thing of christmas altogether and go off into the broad sunlit uplands instead? I would like to do that as soon as possible.

Helen Mirren: no copies....or are there??

seems like a good time to go back to rhyming food. Heidi used to do it brilliantly when we were helping out in the old terrapins' home and finding it hard to stop the food fights. she made up a rule that you weren't allowed to throw any food unless you could find a rhyme for it. soon there was hardly any food fighting, up to when Enobarbus brought his new best friend Terrapin Zero in for a 'visit'.
anyway, we are where we are. coming as we are to the end of the summer, can anyone think of a rhyme for ginger chilli and/or garlic, with which we might light our way to winter? as an example of closeness, or homophoneness, if you took Ced's class in lingodepravity at the end of last term, Helen Mirren is close enough to mirin, if you're going down that path, so draw your own conclusions regarding the required accuracy of the task.
I'll kick off.. wine: fog on the tyne. No copies.

potatoes, but too much stuff.

when we were young in underwater nightschool our mother used to show us how to write airport novels and sell them off on the surface for enormous amounts of money, which we would then channel back into our potato peeling business. we all understood the importance of a nicely peeled potato. and still remember the horror brought into the home by Enobarbus when he announced his big idea - that a potato does not necessarily need to be peeled. as we watched all the colour drain from our mother's face Enobarbus compounded his crime by stealing all the money from the Potpeel fund and making off ''for Italy'', as he said in his strange low voice, oddly flat in the circumstances. We got a postcard from Italy the following year, made out of potato paper, which we can only guess was from him, but he's never talked about his time there.
However, ''Antonio'' has just turned up at our house with a very familiar facial arrangement but younger, and a lot of things have gone missing already. Enobarbus already brought us one son called Jack - very appropriate as he too could hardly keep his hands off other people's property.
On another note, does anyone else feel there's rather too much going on at the moment?

people who've done pears.

can anyone suggest a number for the number of pears you can poach and freeze without that you begin to start looking a bit like a pear and everything you look at begins to look like one too? I thought it is ninety seven, but that seems a bit low. I don't want any starter guesses, just proper estimates from people who've done pears.
Howard did a lovely green sauce last night with sorrel and lettuce and mint and parsley, and put quite a lot of rum in the fruit salad. We had such fun making our mascarpone ice cream for the - yes, of course -pears. Unfortunately, Howard went a bit funny this morning.
It's a shame that our home appears to have been listed on Terrapin Zero's appalling website; it goes without saying we trust our friends will ignore his hateful incitements.

The Benefit of the Doubt and a Cheer-Up Supper.

some of us are doing a little cheer-up supper later for Heidi's unfortunate cousin. Those of you who attended terrapin school in its challenging third year might feel able to use this as an opportunity to start rebuilding trust. We need all kinds of pungent sauces, especially old spanish ones. There's a lot of fish to dress up.
On a brighter note, Ced has become a vegetable prepper in the underwater cafe, and has got a girlfriend in the washing-up department. He may be thinking of a book he's read, but we are, for now, giving him the benefit of the doubt.

A* in breakfast smirking.

Would everyone please stop asking Enobarbus for his autograph just because he has shared a cell with Terrapin Zero; it is making him think he has something to be proud of. He hasn't, of course. He also got I think it was 31 new GCSEs today and smirked right through breakfast. He really is very annoying.
Ced is back. He's reading the back of a washing up liquid bottle as I write and looking absolutely baffled. He's had all the pots and pans out as usual, making his unusual chutney. If anyone can stomach any of this, after the disaster of 2009, he is (optimistically) selling it for £2.65 a pot, which isn't a big pot. Big enough though. He has been hinting that there's something extra in it this year. Mark had a little bit on a slice of toast 10 mins ago and the colour has all but completely drained from his face.

misleading recipe alert.

why aren't there any hummingbirds in the hummingbird cake in the hummingbird cookbook? does anyone know of a way to get through the present glut?
on another note, just a warning seeing as Enobarbus is doing community service again and might be turning up asking for wool or leather offcuts again. Those of you who were fooled by him last time should consider replacing your police shields. Mark has just laid traps right round our perimeter fance and a bit beyond; Heidi we will be round later to do your electrics. Enobarbus will be, as usual, contactable through the poetry cafe website if you want to try and book him for regular services - if we all pull together perhaps we can gainfully employ him to the exclusion of his criminal intent. yes Mark i know we've said that before.

made by a witch.

does anyone know of a cordial that either on its own or in combination with an accessible mixer would do ANYTHING to order the disorder in our troubled times? It needs to be inexpensive and not made by a witch.
on another note, a lot of us have noticed that since Enobarbus got his pass out of terrapin jail and started taking all those ridiculous exams he has become, once again, absolutely insufferable. Heidi is ill and it's hardly surprising. Is anyone out there qualified to give him an official 'fail' in aquastats? Because if he goes through with a distinction AGAIN we'll have big trouble.

His Usual Purposes.

does anyone know anyone called Wayne Rooney, because I have some mail with that name on that accidentally got delivered to Enobarbus and it was a real struggle to get him to pass it over rather than use it for his usual purposes.
and if anyone wishes to pass comment on the complete ineffectiveness of modern psychiatry they can go right ahead they'll get no argument from me.

chester in chester

has it been done?

A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT ANGLE.

middle terrapin wishes to announce a coalition with immediate commencement with (most of) upper and lower terrapins and some other stuff. it'll keep the name 'middle terrapin' though, thankyou very much. and it will NOT be making Enobarbus Foreign Secretary, as he was very keen on, as it was generally felt to be ridiculous. He hardly knows anything about foreign things when they come up as we all know. in summary, the constitution will more or less be as before, with the option to come from a slightly different angle on some things if i feel like it.

Enobarbus, rough rhyming again.

By my watch, daffodils are a month late AT LEAST this year, and it's not as if there's anything else to look at. But wait.................who cares? If there never were any daffodils, we'd never had had such an empty month staring at buds shouting 'WHAT THE ARE YOU WAITING FOR?' so unproductively. And yet there is something sweet about time wasted. And thyme tasted. And rhyme sweetly basted. (what did you say Enobarbus? did you say 'bastard?') And btw something more than a little sour about the tabloids.