Reader, I married him.

Can anyone believe anything at all about the world today? Ced, for example, has just brought out a book, unbelievably, called 'Ced's book of spoilers', in which he tells you the ending of loads of films and books that you might want to read at some point. When he used to come and stay with us in Terrapin Waters he used to whisper endings to us just as we were dropping off to sleep and least resistant. On a similar note, has anyone got a dog who could either cook for a family OR run around like a maniac in wellington boots? I could use either sort of talented dog, and I would pay £2.50 on receipt.

A Healthy Interest.

would anyone like to write a poem? if not, how does anyone think poem writing is ever going to happen? When Heidi and i took poetry extension classes in the underwater academy after our mother had almost killed herself teaching us the tricks of it we did about 2 weeks and then got sacked for bad poetry, unfortunately, through no fault of our own but just that Ced had (bad luck) turned up on the same course and some of our verses got a bit sarcastic. But that doesn't mean to say we didn't maintain a healthy interest.

Has anyone been busy doing anything and if so what?

I have been very busy blackberrying, as predicted. What has anyone else been very busy doing? It is quite different from all my underwated activities as a younger terrapin. For a start, blackberries only seem to grow above the water, from what I can see. Discounting the Underwater Blackberries of Doom, obviously. No-one in their right mind would try and pick any of THOSE. (my friend Ced had one once and fell into some awfully bad luck.)

TOP TRUMP

now that it is autumn i am thinking of either joining the race for the whitehouse (america) or taking on one of the football clubs that have lost their manager recently and need a new one. I would have a bit of catching up to do with the whitehouse option but i wouldn't mind that as long as i won it, or came at least second. With the football one i might need someone to help me with the actual football, if anyone would like to, but i know a lot about the psychology of management and half-time analysis and i know the names of all the clubs and wags, so i should think i am more or less the top trump as far as the auditions for a new manager would go. The only thing is, i went blackberrying at the weekend and it looks like i could well be spending quite a lot of my time doing that over the autumn, for certain complicated reasons, which i would have to make sure didn't cut into my football manager/presidential candidate duties, but i shouldn't think it would, not too much.
Has anyone reading this ever divided their time between blackberrying and other similar high-pressure activities and might have some tips?

BAD NEWS for everyone.

The worst (in a way) has happened and Enobarbus has just come strutting through the house brandishing a certificate for 15 'A' levels, all 'A' grades. This means he can go on to study medicine at Terrapin Outpatients, which is BAD NEWS for everyone. Heidi and i think he must have cheated; it has been his M.O. all through our terrapin home-schooling and on into his most recent educational outings like his parachuting instructor's certificate and his licence to brew. It has all been one ridiculous episode after another with him. Heidi got one 'A' level at grade C, which is much nicer. (it was swimming.) I got an 'A' this time for terrapin physics, which I have now taken 8 years in a row so that I can prove it is getting easier. 8 yrs ago I got a 'F', which proves it.

Ced returns, unwelcomely.

does anyone know anything about making something for tea with pork and cabbage that doesn't make everyone absolutely sick? unfortunately Ced has just arrived at our place after a mercifully long absence and he's brought a whole load of pork and cabbage with him, not like a bottle of wine or some chocolates like most people would but then he's not most people, thankfully. he's bound to be thinking of something horrible to do with them; he's the kind of person who seriously might be a poisoner.

DON'T MAKE THEM UP

tell me your dreams. don't make them up though.
there is something about if you get 7 dreams in the same room there'll be some sort of thing happen. Shall we try?
I'll go first: there's this great big crowd shouting 'MARK MARK MARK!' but Howard gets up and they don't seem to notice it's not me. When i look at Howard he has got my face, and is eating chocolate with it. I realise i don't care and at this point the crowd start absolutely adoring me. then i wake up.