The Toastman Always Rings Twice

Heidi's cousin is a bit down - second on her list of possible career paths was being a Bishop, which isn't very likely now. Luckily, the top spot is still a Toastman - even though it is a career path by way of a mishearing it ticks nearly all of Heidi's cousin's boxes, except the clothes are not as good as a Bishop, especially in the rain or at a party. She has consolidated her choices by aiming to become a Bishop's wife and a Toastman, so she can borrow her husband's clothes and deliver toast, ringing only twice at each door or the toast will go cold. 
So that is Heidi's cousin wrapped up and ready for Christmas. Ced, however, has been found by Inspector Rebus, living under a false name (Ted) in rented accommodation, frittering away a huge stash of stolen money. It's exactly like last time, only this time he seems to be spending it all on biscuits.
Has anyone made their pies yet for the pie-off? And can we all give Christmas a miss this year?

at least £125

does anyone know if Inspector Rebus has retired or is he still available to look for Ced? Mark and Heidi took a photo of him yesterday but only got a partial print, although it was pretty obvious because of his head looked the same and that's usually the end of it. The way things finished up at the allotment, it wouldn't be a surprise to learn he'd gone back to the Island, but we are willing to spend at least £125 on some police work at this stage, seeing as he owes a lot of us a lot of money. We do not want a CSI sort of police. Don't bother applying if you're a CSI sort of policeman/woman - there's plenty of work for you elsewhere and it's honestly not worth working on Ced with Luminol etc as he never leaves any traces.
Otherwise, Mark's asking me to flag up his bookgroup for tonight. 7pm. Please bring a pie, and make a list of all the books you can think of before you come. Don't come if you can't think of 5 or more, or if you have made a false list, or if your list is unacceptable.

quince and two veg

Really nice that England won last night, but those quinces, HEIDI, are still waiting to be chopped.
Mark has been listing ways of using up quinces for ages now, although mostly it seems like a rerun of the Pear list, which is partly justified but partly just lazy. A few of them (quince pie, quince crumble, quince and two veg etc) you can even see the 'pear' partially rubbed out underneath the 'quince'. We were all hoping for some red white and blue options to go with the Jubilee but Mark hasn't thought of any. If anyone can think of a way of using up over 200 quinces and at the same time celebrating both the Jubilee and the Olympics, send it to Mark in the usual way. We're not holding our breath for it to actually come from him on his own out of his own head.

that overfeeding incident

Mark is doing a very interesting unit on Monetary Indifference at the old post office, if anyone's free for the next hour or so. This has really bucked him up after that overfeeding incident. You would have to be ready to go in about 10 minutes, or 5 if you are 'round the corner'. I would recommend gloves with flexible fingers and a hard-backed notebook with grids already in. I am pretty sure Mark is supplying pens and pencils of all types, because when he left the house he was carrying a lot of different pens and pencils. Ced did one of Mark's units before, and said that although it is really boring, it did give him something to write on his cv and show his assigned officer, so that could be one reason to attend, if you are trying to think of one.
Has anyone got flu yet? Could you let us know when that happens? Thanks.

he enjoyed the pies very much.

Heidi won't be coming to any more bookgroups after last night's fiasco, according to what her cousin told Mark this morning on the allotment. Mark thought her cousin was exaggerating in the retelling, but even if a little bit of it were true it is still bad. Heidi said she will now only do the Talcott Levy sub-group, and only if Ced isn't there, and on the condition that she is not asked to make 16 pies or actually any pies at all, after last night. Meanwhile, Ced has sent Mark a very nice email thanking him for what was possibly the best evening of his life, adding that he enjoyed the pies very much. He may well be genuine, as it is hard to tell with Ced sometimes.

Talcott Levy will not be wearing a wedding dress.

Ced is SO annoyed because he married a princess once and nobody noticed, and now there's all this fuss about william and kate. 'it's ridiculus', he said, yesterday at our place. 'i don't know what else i could have done - we didn't have youtube in our day and anyway she left me before the wedding.' 'what are you talking about?', said Mark. ' you were married to her for 4 1/2 years, as everybody knows.' 'oh i meant weeding', said Ced, who always likes to make slight changes in his words as he goes.
Anyway, can the next person who sees Talcott Levy please tell him he is expected at 6 for a rehearsal of the book group. For distant friends, it will be streamed live on youtube at 7. Talcott Levy will not be wearing a wedding dress.

Talcott Levy sub-group on the other side of the coin.

would anyone be able to fill in for Mark while he is writing his book? It would involve a lot of unnecessary fish-feeding and would last probably more or less your whole life, seeing as he hasn't even made a start yet and it doesn't sound like a book that anyone really wants to see written, even Mark. On the other side of that coin, our bookgroup is going from strength to strength after the remedial measures; introduction of a Talcott Levy sub-group has been very successful and nearly everyone has joined that except Enobarbus, who has formed a remainder group of one and is reading his 'Homecare' book again.