absolute idiot

well there we are that was a good holiday. It seems Enobarbus has become King of some small island and Heidi is writing a book on him. Mark is reading Dan Brown's new book and thinks it is Brilliant. He's an absolute idiot sometimes.

don't say we didnt warn you Heidi.

most people we know appear to have had a fairly miserable new year so far, with most disappointments oustripping their expectations. i don't expect there will be too many of you surprised to hear that Enobarbus is back inside after a series of thefts and incidences of poor communication. Heidi has agreed to start teaching him some manners and we wish her a lot of luck in this more or less hopeless attempt. Meanwhile, there are serious issues to be addressed. Does anyone know what they are? We have time to spare and would very much like it if someone would tell us. Thankyou.

GIVE IT A REST

right thats christmas over with. for goodness sake can we GIVE IT A REST next year????!

astonishing behaviour regarding the colours for Christmas.

today Ced absolutely insisted that the colours for Christmas are cream and silver, whereas someone else in the queue (we were in the Rigger bank) said it was orange. Ced went mad.
Can anyone confirm the colours for Christmas this year? I would like to know if Ced had ANY justification for his astonishing behaviour, before we start legal proceedings.

Jodrell Bank for £1.

Howard and I are quite taken by the idea of buying one of the banks for, say, around a pound. Does anyone know if it would need to be a Euro nowadays? We would like to know before we go in and make a fool of ourselves offering the wrong currency, seeing as we would be actually in a bank, and they might look a bit unfavourably on people who are confused about what sort of currency you have to use. This is only just in case there are any other people trying to buy the same bank, and it's not just a done deal before we even go in, like they're actually sitting behind the door waiting with their fingers crossed for someone like us to come in and offer to buy it and it's not going to matter whatever currency we're going to offer.
In Part '2' of my question, does anyone know which bank it would be best to buy? I do not want any poets to say 'Jodrell'.

Enobarbus: normal service resumed.

For anyone interested, Enonbarbus has now completed his community service and will once again be taking phonecalls. We are all hoping that that will be an end to it, but in view of his record I'm afraid that for many of us it is a tenuous hope. If anyone feels able to support Enobarbus (he is asking for money due to his greedy nature but I would advise other kinds of support) then he will generally be hanging out at the Poetry Cafe. He will be under armed guard for the first 3 weeks. Same mobile number for bookings.

THE MIGHTIEST PIE IS NOT A VEGGIE PIE.

what kind of a veggie pie does anyone think would be a good pie? I recently overheard someone asking for a veggie pie and just couldn't believe it. At terrapin school we did pie appreciation every day for an hour and a half and i can't remember anyone saying anything about a veggie one. Did I stumble upon a hidden tradition? Or was the person who asked either a) a spy doing the first part of a secret transaction...('yes we have veggie pies sir'; cue the passing of brown envelopes)...or b) did i just happen to be right on the spot AGAIN when the world put in an extra second in its orbit, allowing for some odd thing to happen?
I should like to reopen the debate as to the very best pie. (I will warn you - Enobarbus is reigning champion of this debate and, as everyone knows, he fights dirty.)